;#############################################;
;                                             ;
;             experience maria                ;
;                                             ;
;          maria@geekpanties.com              ;
;                                             ;
;        http://blog.geekpanties.com          ;
;                                             ;
;#############################################;


alias experia {
  say $experiencing.maria
}

menu channel,nicklist {
  .experia:msg $iif($menu = channel,#,$1) $experiencing.maria
}

alias experiencing.maria { 
  var %faster = "Let the games begin!"|"Sweet Jesus!"|"Not that!"|"At last!"|"Land o' Goshen!"|"Is that all?"|"Cheese it, the cops!"|"I never dreamed it could be"|"If I do, you won't respect me!"|"Now!"|"Open sesame!"|"EMR!"|"Again!"|"Faster!"|"Harder!"|"Help!"|"fuck me harder!"|"Is it in yet?"|"You aren't my father!"|"Doctor, that's not *my* shou"|"No, no, do the goldfish!"|"Holy Batmobile, Batman!"|"He's dead, he's dead!"|"Take me, Robert!"|"I'm a Republican!"|"Put four fingers in!"|"What a lover!"|"Talk dirty, you pig!"|"The ceiling needs painting"|"Suck harder!"|"The animals will hear!"|"Not in public!" 
  var %said = bellowed|yelped|croaked|growled|panted|moaned|grunted|laughed|warbled|sighed|ejaculated|choked|stammered|wheezed|squealed|whimpered|salivated|tongued|cried|screamed|yelled|said 
  var %fadj = saucy|wanton|unfortunate|lust-crazed|nine-year-old|bull-dyke|bisexual|gorgeous|sweet|nymphomaniacal|large-hipped|freckled|forty-five year old|white-haired|large-boned|saintly|blind|bearded|blue-eyed|large tongued|friendly|piano playing|ear licking|doe eyed|sock sniffing|lesbian|hairy 
  var %female = baggage|hussy|woman|Duchess|female impersonator|nymphomaniac|virgin|leather freak|home-coming queen|defrocked nun|bisexual budgie|cheerleader|office secretary|sexual deviate|DARPA contract monitor|little matchgirl|ceremonial penguin|femme fatale|bosses' daughter|construction worker|sausage abuser|secretary|Congressman's page|grandmother|penguin|German shepherd|stewardess|waitress|prostitute|computer science group|housewife 
  var %madjec = thrashing|slurping|insatiable|rabid|satanic|corpulent|nose-grooming|tripe-fondling|dribbling|spread-eagled|orally fixated|vile|awesomely endowed|handsome|mush-brained|tremendously hung|three-legged|pile-driving|cross-dressing|gerbil buggering|bung-hole stuffing|sphincter licking|hair-pie chewing|muff-diving|clam shucking|egg-sucking|bicycle seat sniffing 
  var %male = rakehell|hunchback|lecherous lickspittle|archduke|midget|hired hand|great Dane|stallion|donkey|electric eel|paraplegic pothead|dirty old man|faggot butler|friar|black-power advocate|follicle fetishist|handsome priest|chicken flicker|homosexual flamingo|ex-celibate|drug sucker|ex-woman|construction worker|hair dresser|dentist|judge|social worker 
  var %diddled = diddled|devoured|fondled|mouthed|tongued|lashed|tweaked|violated|defiled|irrigated|penetrated|ravished|hammered|bit|tongue slashed|sucked|fucked|rubbed|grudge fucked|masturbated with|slurped 
  var %titadj = alabaster|pink-tipped|creamy|rosebud|moist|throbbing|juicy|heaving|straining|mammoth|succulent|quivering|rosey|globular|varicose|jiggling|bloody|tilted|dribbling|oozing|firm|pendulous|muscular|bovine
  var %knockers = globes|melons|mounds|buds|paps|chubbies|protuberances|treasures|buns|bung|vestibule|armpits|tits|knockers|elbows|eyes|hooters|jugs|lungs|headlights|disk drives|bumpers|knees|fried eggs|buttocks|charlies|ear lobes|bazooms|mammaries 
  var %thrust = plunged|thrust|squeezed|pounded|drove|eased|slid|hammered|squished|crammed|slammed|reamed|rammed|dipped|inserted|plugged|augured|pushed|ripped|forced|wrenched 
  var %dongadj = bursting|jutting|glistening|Brobdingnagian|prodigious|purple|searing|swollen|rigid|rampaging|warty|steaming|gorged|trunklike|foaming|spouting|swinish|prosthetic|blue veined|engorged|horse like|throbbing|humongous|hole splitting|serpentine|curved|steel encased|glass encrusted|knobby|surgically altered|metal tipped|open sored|rapidly dwindling|swelling|miniscule|boney 
  var %dong = intruder|prong|stump|member|meat loaf|majesty|bowsprit|earthmover|jackhammer|ramrod|cod|jabber|gusher|poker|engine|brownie|joy stick|plunger|piston|tool|manhood|lollipop|kidney prodder|candlestick|John Thomas|arm|testicles|balls|finger|foot|tongue|dick|one-eyed wonder worm|canyon yodeler|middle leg|neck wrapper|stick shift|dong|Linda Lovelace choker 
  var %twatadj = pulsing|hungry|hymeneal|palpitating|gaping|slavering|welcoming|glutted|gobbling|cobwebby|ravenous|slurping|glistening|dripping|scabiferous|porous|soft-spoken|pink|dusty|tight|odiferous|moist|loose|scarred|weapon-less|banana stuffed|tire tracked|mouse nibbled|tightly tensed|oft traveled|grateful|festering 
  var %twat = swamp.|honeypot.|jam jar.|butterbox.|furburger.|cherry pie.|cush.|slot.|slit.|cockpit.|damp.|furrow.|sanctum sanctorum.|bearded clam.|continental divide.|paradise valley.|red river valley.|slot machine.|quim.|palace.|ass.|rose bud.|throat.|eye socket.|tenderness.|inner ear.|orifice.|appendix scar.|wound.|navel.|mouth.|nose.|cunt. 

  var %i = 1 
  while (%i <= 14) { 
    set $var(*, %i) $gettok($var(*, %i).value, $r(1, $numtok($var(*, %i).value, 124)), 124) 
    inc %i 
  } 

  return %faster %said the %fadj %female as the %madjec %male %diddled her %titadj %knockers and %thrust his %dongadj %dong into her %twatadj %twat 
}